The Semester of Change

So I have had one of the hardest semesters yet. The funny thing about being in College is that I am both having the most fun of my life and the most painful times as well. This semester everyday in Calculus and Java Programming I was patiently awaiting those words "and next time..". Not because I wanted the next time to come soon but because I loathed my time there. Those 16 Monday afternoons in Programming Lab were some of the longest times of my life. Everyday while sitting silent I was inwardly screaming for an escape. Now comes one of those times where I finally have my answer.. and it seems like its not enough. I have my escape yet somehow its not entirely liberating. These two classes (Cal and Java) were the bane of my existance this semester. As they were both requirements for my major they left me wondering whether I am in the right field (Computer and Information Systems). Always, I had thought that with my skill in many things Technical that it was a given that I would go to college and study something to do with IT. Now throughout this semester, I began to not be as sure as I once was. The struggles of Academia was only one part of the hardship of the semester. I also frequently would for whatever reason feel alone, even if I was arouind a table of friends. Describing the rationale or lack thereof for this is difficult because I find that words begin to fail. I think it would be adequate to say that I was not satisfied with who I am or where I need to be. Part of the reason could be that I don't know who or what I should be in the future. But I'm praying that God in his goodness will show me the way. This semester frequently I would fall, struggling with feelings of inadequacy and the formentioned feelings of loneliness. But, recently I've begun to think about this some more. Being significantly introverted the best way for me to deal with something is to write it out or think about it. This may frustrate some people because I find it very hard to express myself in spoken word. Conversations don't come easy and thus it may be hard for some people more inclined with the formentioned skills to get to know me. Some of you (if people even are going to read this) may be interested to know that when I return to Mississippi College I plan on declaring Graphic Design. On Friday I will be leaving for Atlacomulco, Mexico to serve there helping with their computers, rosetta stone software, teaching english, and whatever else the ministry may need. Prayers, thoughts, wishes, thoughts of wisdom / encouragement / empathy are all welcome.

So, Its Been a While

So I have not posted here in a while. I must confess that frequently I get so wrapped up in Campus life and things that I must engage in on a daily basis that I forget that I even have a blog. I've gotten back into the word which I sadly neglected most of christmas break and the beginning of this semester following Ryen's inspiration in a Leadership Team meeting. I have many things that I want and maybe need to get out here in the open and its hard to decide which is most important or even applicable. So I think that the best way to characterize my current feelings and mental state at the moment is through song. On repeat on my speakers is Switchfoot's "Love, Life, and Why" from their 1997 release Ode to Chin. Lyrics Following:

Life and love and why
Child, adult, then die
All of your hoping
And all of your searching
For what?
Ask me for what am I living
Or what gives me strength
That I'm willing to die for

Take away from me
This monstrosity
'Cause my futile thinking's
Not gonna solve nothing tonight
Ask me for what am I living
Or what gives me strength
That I'm willing to die for

Could it be this
Could this be bliss
Could it be all that
I ever had missed
Could it be true
Can life be new
And can I be used
Can I be used

Give me a reason
For life and for death
A reason for drowning
While I hold my breath
Something to laugh at
A reason to cry
With everyone hopeless
And hoping for something
To hope for
Yeah, with something to hope for

Could it be true
Can life be new
Could it be all that I am
Is in You
Could it be this
Could it be bliss
Can it be You
Can it be You

This song so accurately describes the way I've been feeling lately, much better than my feeble words alone could have done. I've frequently felt alone, even when in a crowd of people. I have been praying to be covered in the awesome, comforting blanket of Christs bosom, warmer than the softest fleece. He is mighty, even through my struggles, depression and all. I am daily reminded of the sovereignty of God, he will provide for all of my needs whether they be fellowship, encouragement, just a kind word, or even teaching through adversity. I don't know where I heard the following quote it might be biblical or maybe not. But here goes (rough summary as I dont remember it verbatim): You can go through life and have no trials, but then what would you learn about God? If we had not troubles or cares we would not need to appeal to someone higher than ourselves. We would ourselves be a sort of God satisfying our own desires since we need nothing else. I've written a lot, maybe this would have been better written as two separate posts.

In Christ,

Weems