So Ive read the comments of my last post and I have decided to fill their requests of a new post. I cannot promise that these textual works will be regular in appearance. Mostly because I am frequently occupied with the various toils of life on this fallen earth. Speaking of Fall, have you ever given time to think about why the season of fall is given its name. Yes, the leaves and the temperature drops but give it some more mental muster than that people. For me personally as the trees lose their clothing they acquire throughout the year. My contemplations and feelings become increasingly despondent more than normal. I experienced the same phenomena last year and in one way its expected. But in quite another way, I crave and long for something. The best word our feeble language that English has for it is Happiness. But its so much more intense and fulfilling than a fleeting happiness. It really has been a battle to get up for class. Now I know this may be a cliche thing to say, being a college thing. But its true, when I wake up I am so fatigued its like I ran a mental marathon in the ephemeral land of dreams while asleep. I know its because of the struggle with depression and sadness that I feel this way but Im not sure where to turn. I know in my head God is there but I still run. Hes there, and I prayed to him tonight at church with a earnest heart. But everything I could ever say feels as if Ive said it a million times, filled with empty petitions to a holy God. He and only can give me hope and I know this but I forget oh so often. There's a line from a song Ive been listening to lately, "I was busy doing other things but now I'm coming clean, Hallelujah Broken Son Heal the Hearts of Broken Ones". This line epitomizes the way Ive been feeling lately. When I was at church tonight we had whats called a "concert of prayer". Which is a time of leading in prayer and honest seeking of God. I kept praying for him to let me hear his voice in life and I think hes trying to say something to me. But I am having trouble hearing it. I keep thinking about what the man in chapel on Tuesday said about pathos and the "willingness to suffer". Our surface level experiences with God if we have that have become way too common today. He was very right about the legalistic attitude many churches take to Christianity, "be good and you'll be alright". This "doctrine" if we can bless it with such a title, is evil and most be opposed at every turn. It doesn't only appear in the Churches many people today think that no matter how they live on a day to day basis as long as they are "generally" Good people then they will be saved. There's just one miniscule detail, sarcasm disclaimer here, only Jesus saves our souls. Before I go I would like to leave you with a splattering of Scripture that has been helping me through my struggles.
Ps. 71
In you, O Lord, do I take refuge;
let me never be put to shame!
In your righteousness deliver me and rescue me;
incline your ear to me, and save me!
Be to me a rock of refuge,
to which I may continually come;
you have given the command to save me,
for you are my rock and my fortress.
Rescue me, O my God, from the hand of the wicked,
from the grasp of the unjust and cruel man.
For you, O Lord, are my hope,
my trust, O Lord, from my youth.
